(Uthmin peeps: if you’re already serving in youth ministry, you don’t need this. BUT SOMEONE DOES and they may not even know there’s a More Than Dodgeball site out there to help. Please love the small churches around you and send this link on to them.)

THE MENU FOR MIXING A YOUTH GROUP FROM SCRATCH:

I was an idiot. I had been coaching this small church for 3 months (through http://ymarchitects.com/small-church-ministry-architects), moving happily along in my scope/sequence…when one of the volunteers says, “Can I ask you a question? What happens at a youth group meeting? What do they do?”

Wow-had I ever missed some key steps!! I am so sorry to any of you if I’ve ever assumed too much. This volunteer’s question was an honest one and it blasted my eyes open to the fact that not everyone lives and breathes the stuff I’ve known forever. When I started leading my first group in 1980, I would have asked the very same question.

So here’s my list of “basic ingredients” for a brand-new youth group with “I’ve never done this before” leaders. I know you don’t have a lot of time so I’ve streamlined this into what I think will cover a lot of bases in a expedient amount of time.

1) Subscribe to Group Magazine. It’s THE mag every youth leader reads and its full of things to help every level of experience. There’s even a regular small church column in it from yours truly. http://simplyyouthministry.com

2) Plan a regular meeting time for the youth of your church. And Sunday school doesn’t count. Sundays and Wednesday seem to be the most common. At minimum, it should be more than once a month. 2x a month is OK; every week is best. Once a month just never gets the groove going. It hasn’t worked for churches trying a contemporary service and it doesn’t work for a youth ministry either.

3) Meeting schedule? Try this first and then tweak from there:

• :00-:15 Gather, check-in/sign-in, chat, play.
• :15-:35 Snack Supper and announcements. Add planned Table Topics to make it fit the night’s theme.
• :35-:50 Group game/activity. Works much better if its got a purpose towards the lesson later on
• :50-1:10 Message/Lesson/Bible Point
• 1:10-1:25 Small Groups to discuss Bible/Topic
• 1:25-1:30 Prayer/Response activity about the lesson
• 1:30 Dismissal and meet parents out in the parking lot when they pick up their kids.

4) The students to draw from are all around you. Invite students from past VBS’s, any youth that has EVER come to anything at your church like a fall festival or egg hunt, all the youth in the proper age-range on your church/SS rolls, church members’ grandkids, etc. Develop a data list to use over and over. You can tweak it as you go along but treat contact info like its gold!

5) What to teach? Here’s the best way I can think of to get to the core of what you need to know: Join the Simply Youth Ministry Facebook page. I just looked at it and its where you can find the best stuff on sale, hear about what others are doing, ask questions from other youth leaders, etc. For example, there’s an awesome sale right now of books written by people on this blog. http://bit.ly/vWbCNh ‪#‎youthministry‬

6) Read the morethandodgeball.com blog and ask questions! Its the #1 read YM blog in America. 

7) Three must-read books? Sustainable Youth Ministry, Help! I’m a Volunteer Youth Leader, and 99 Thoughts for the Smaller Church Youth Worker.

8) Free Forms you will need: Ministry Architects has a bunch of free samples of common forms that youth leaders need. Go here to download stuff like permission forms, game plans, job descriptions, etc. You’ll see.  http://ymarchitects.com/online-store-and-freebies/

Okay, I’ve got to shut this down because i’m already 100+ words over my count. Comment, email me or FB with questions.

Stephanie

If you haven’t seen (or used) this simple video to teach leadership development you are missing out.  This is a great post to show our team to wonder who we are,  where we fit,  and how to stand out as a “first follower” who causes the rest of the world to jump in and know what to do.

Happy Friday!

What about you?  Do you teach your team, even your students HOW to be a “First Follower?”  It isn’t natural for all of us.

No?! Well, there is a rumor that a real one has been spotted here. Quadricorns are pretty special because they bring these magical things called Simply Rewards points with them.

Until the end of the day, you will get quadruple Simply Rewards points for purchasing LIVE High School, the 4-year curriculum for your youth ministry. Don’t miss this rare chance to rack up some MAJOR reward points AND get one of the best youth ministry curriculums on the market.

Happy Friday Homies!

~ AC

Today’s question of the day (answer this of yourself, and I’ll try to do the same):

“What do the patterns in my life reveal when I take an honest look at them?”

Consider:

• Who/what you tend to elevate up via promotion.
• Who/what you tend to slam down via conversation.
• Who/what you tend to resource into via finances.
• Who/what you tend to latch onto via identity.

Maybe the things that come out of us have more to do with what’s in us?

“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” (Luke 6:45b)

Hey Simply Insiders!

Had a crazy week and no time to read up on some knowledge?? Have no fear. I’ve got this week’s Top 3 articles for ya right here:

1. Eavesdropping on Christian Hipsters by Tony Myles

2. Top 2 Qualities of a Leader… according to a Sixteen Year Old by Kurt Johnston

3. We Need More PDA! by Tim and Tasha Levert

There you go! So catch up on some light reading this weekend with these great posts by some of our awesome authors!

~ AC

This past week I had the amazing opportunity to spend time with a small church in Tampa, Fl helping them with some strategic planning.  They are a perfect example of so many houses of worship in the US today.  Decades ago when the doors first opened it was placed in a primarily “Anglo” middle-class neighborhood.  As years have worn on the congregation who “grew up there” have become commuters while the community has changed around them.  The main road to the church that once was barren now holds stores as evidence of the Colombian, Venezuelan, Peruvean and Vietnamese population that has moved in.

The church had a choice to make:  Do they move where they worship, keep the “face” of their congregation the same or actively open the doors to the community at hand? We all know the “Jesus” answer.  However, the reality is I have known churches who have moved, and others who have made sure the changing neighborhood knows they are not really welcome. They decided to welcome in the large number of primarily Hispanic and Vietnamese neighbors at their door.  This has caused a unique set of challenges, the least of which is all becoming multi-lingual. It’s funny how you believe you came to serve and the Lord teaches you so much more than you had to give away.

Here is what I learned:

1.  Unity takes Action

It’s easy to go “do an outreach” in our backyard. Then we can invite those we meet to what we offer anyway. However, when you recognize the people in your pews are a now a different mix of people, it takes work to bring unity. First, they invited a Columbian pastor from the area onto their staff.  Then they held services in  both Spanish and English with an integrated service once a month. These were first steps. We came in to help as they work intently towards becoming a multiethnic church  as one total body of Christ. This means thinking through various languages, cultural differences and styles of leadership in all they do and offer.

2.  Beware Of Pre-Conceived Ideas

As I met the Hispanic congregants they were clear they didn’t want to be seen as a “ministry” of the church.  The current church body were already welcoming in addicts, the grieving, the mentally ill and reaching those in prison.  The new members would identify themselves as previously disconnected from church but not those living on the fringes of society.  As we reach out it’s important we talk to those we invite in. We may see them as more “broken” than they see themselves. They may not want to be added to the list of those we “outreach.”

3.  Involving ALL Families

This church had a deep history of mercy and love.  This meant that it’s youth group was full of primarily “unchurched” teens prior to the church opening it’s doors to the community. Families coming from the neighborhood come from a culture of tight-nit almost over-protection of their children. There are actually an equal amount of single Dads to single Moms. As the church seeks unity one challenge has been teaching to groups who have grown up in the church alongside those who have never heard anything about the Bible. This means they have had to rethink the way they approach all of their programming to include ALL families, from ALL backgrounds. It would be easy to exclude some parents and just focus on their children.  Instead they are finding creative ways to bring the FAMILY to a deep relationship with Christ,  even when it’s complicated.

Walking the journey with this little congregation has left me a lot to think about the way I have approached my own community and notions about who lives there.  Yes, I happen to live in “the hood,” however, it doesn’t mean all who live there are “stuck in a place of survival mode.”  It leaves us with a choice as we “do” church.  Are we willing to take any step necessary not to only invite the community in, but will we seek intentionally to meet them at their deepest need?  This may mean giving a cold cup of water on a hot day,  it might mean learning a language we never knew or it just might mean that we ask them first the question:

“What is your deepest point of need?”

How is your church or youth group working to outreach into your community?

I’ve learned that relating to students is more about what you do than who you are. I wrote a post a while ago called “The B’s to being a great youth leader” and it was about clearing up the misconceptions of what a youth leader has to be in order to relate to students. I believe that the misconceptions of who a youth leader has to be cheapens youth ministry in general. I believe the focus of a youth minister should be on what they do and not on who they are. Because I believe youth ministry is mostly about relationships, the fact that God created us to be in relationship with Him plays a huge part in that idea. Jesus was a walking relational powerhouse. In the three years He spent in ministry everything He did pointed to the fact that it’s all about relationships. A lot of what I do I’ve learned from Jesus’s time here on earth doing ministry. So here are 5 things I’ve learned from Jesus concerning viewing and relating to students.

1. View students in light of their potential. – Jesus always looked passed people’s present circumstances and looked at who they had the potential to become.  Jesus looked pass the fact that Matthew was a tax collector and saw his potential. Jesus looked passed the lifestyle of the women at the well and saw her potential. We should do the same. Who they are today doesn’t have to be who they are tomorrow.
2. Make time to talk. – Jesus was never too busy for a conversation. I like the fact that Jesus didn’t come to earth doing ministry from a fire breathing chariot because I can’t do that. Instead, He came doing ministry through relationships one conversation at a time. I’ve gotta make time to talk to students. Allow the programs and events to be the vessel to great life changing, life healing conversations.
3. Focus on who they have the potential to be and not on who they use to be. – Jesus never dwelled on the past. Jesus paints a great picture of this with the disciples. He was always moving people to the life they had the potential to live. Students need someone speaking into their life words that moves them toward their potential. The more they dwell on the past, the more they will live in the past. Students need to know that there is a better life then the one that they are living, and that they can have this better life.
4. Challenge their faith. – Jesus was always challenging the disciples to do what they thought was impossible. He was building their faith in Him. Challenging students to do things they think are impossible without God, increases their faith in God. Growth comes when we are stretched in our thinking and in our view of who God is.So stretch them by challenging them in their walk with God.
5. Pray for them. – I love how Jesus never said “I’ll be praying for you”. He just prayed right there on the spot for those in need. This is something I’ve definitely tried to model. I’ve learned that when it comes to praying, students will totally follow your lead. So don’t wait, pray with them right there. I had a student who was having surgery. I randomly ran into her and her mother and some friends two days earlier. Once she told me about the surgery I asked if I could pray for her.  She said “of course” and so I pulled everyone together to pray. It almost brought her mom to tears that we were all praying for her daughter. It also felt good to just be bold and pray. We don’t have to confine God’s power to just move in the four walls of the church. He’s everywhere. So let’s minister like He’s everywhere.

Viewing students and relating to them in this light will change the way you view and relate to them. I only listed five. Can you think of more ways Jesus has taught us how to view and relate to students?

hope it helps

ac

There’s a reason why certain song lyrics seem to resonate with those in ministry. I often find myself listening to “Some Nights” by Fun, “Superman” by Five For FIghting and “I Will Wait” by Mumford and Sons with a sort of intuitive understanding that they were written just for me. Maybe you’ve also experienced the fatigue and heartache of trying to balance the tensions of serving God and people.

After all, in ministry all things are not often equal:

There are some days you will not be invited to the party.
There are some days you will be the first on the list.
Those days won’t always equal out.

There are some days the needs will outmatch the resources.
There are some days the resources will outmatch the needs.
Those days won’t always equal out.

There are some days you will be misunderstood my the masses.
There are some days you will offer Mass for the misunderstood.
Those days won’t always equal out.

There are some days you will need more chairs for all the people.
There are some days you will need some of those people to leave.
Those days won’t always equal out.

There are some days when your phone won’t stop ringing from strangers.
There are some days when once-good-friends won’t even text you back.
Those days won’t always equal out.

There are some days when you’ll watch whole people get distracted by half-baked slander.
There are some days when you’ll watch half-baked people come up with whole wisdom.
Those days won’t always equal out.

There are some days you will disciple Judas.
There are some days you will disciple John.
Those days won’t always equal out.

There are some days you will remember why you keep doing this.
There are some days you will forget who you are.
Those days won’t always equal out.

What else have you seen when it comes to all things not being equal?

Chromecast is one of the hottest gadgets out right now. Google Chromecast does for Android devices that Apple Airplay does for Apple products but on a much more limited basis.  If you are an android user, with Chromecast, you can now toss, throw, airplay (if you will) or “cast” your movies, TV shows, music, Netflix, YouTube, Google Play, and Chrome web browser to your TV.

Google says “Chromecast automatically updates to work with a growing number of apps.”  I hope to see more apps soon and yes, one of those apps I want to see is an iPhone/iPad app that Google promises is coming soon. If you own an Android phone or tablet this is probably an easy BUY! But for me, as an iPhone user, the Chromecast is very limiting…especially since I have been spoiled with Apple’s Airplay functionality on my Apple TV and through Airserver on my Mac.

Why did I buy a Chromecast? Because everybody else was doing it and it was only $35. Honestly, I did not do my homeowork ahead of time.  This was an impulse buy, I thought it was a mini-Google TV…a mini-HDMI Roku or Apple TV like dongle…let me amplify, it is NOT. I am disappointed that it only receives a (limited) stream from Android devices (and a few things from a computer) but it is pretty cool if you are a lover of all things Google and Android. It is not as good as a Roku or Apple TV but that is not what Chromecast is meant to be.

The price is nice but if you are looking to push content from your phone or tablet (Android or iOS) I would say invest in an adapter and a cable for your phone.  My Motorola X had an HDMI out port, I just needed the cable and for my iPhone, I purchased one of these and a spare HDMI cable.  Probably cost me $15 more than a Chromecast but it is easy, no install/setup, and no lag time, PLUS I am not limited to video sharing!

Check out the charts on Chromecast’s Wikipedia page.

Now that my blog has joined forces with the mighty More Than Dodgeball, I thought I’d continue some of the features that kept my junior high blog small and relatively unpopular. My “Random Randomness” posts are a good place to start.

- Just returned from four nights camping under the stars with 8 other families. We fished, hiked, shot BB guns, faced down bears (Katie Edwards did, anyway) and sat around the fire. A really lazy way to end an outrageously busy summer.

- Another thing we did while camping was play lots and lots of KanJam, the game you really must purchase for your youth group.

- May I recommend a short shopping list for your junior high ministry this fall?

1. This Book Gets Around.  If you are looking for a fun way to help your students (in small groups, at a retreat, etc.) get to know each other a little better, this is the way to go. Such a fun idea. Or, buy some 10-packs and ask your students to take them to school to learn more about their friends!
2. LIVE small group curriculum. There simply is not a better small group curriculum out there, in my opinion.
3. The Challenge. Almost every junior higher loves games. Almost every junior high youth worker hates coming up with them. Make everybody happy!
4. 99 Thoughts About Junior High Ministry. There are a few great junior high/middle school ministry books out there, and they are all too long for your volunteers to read! Give your volunteer team a pocketful of confidence with this fantastic little book.

- Want a free resource…that kicks butt?  Point your hurting students to Teen Christian Ministries. I love this little web show that is making a huge impact on the teenagers who tune in!

- Have you seen The Way, Way Back?  If not, write it into your schedule this week before it disappears. It’s a movie every youth worker needs to see.

We went to the email bag with this topic. Remember email us at talkaboutym@gmail.com with your questions or topic suggestions. This is a topic that needs more attention and dialog. We decided to talk about it in the context of our on ministry.  Also, we probably give the best advice that we have on the topic towards the end.  Let’s keep the conversation going. We would love to hear how you approach this topic within your ministry.

hope it helps

kurt & ac

Thousands of youth let out a collective sigh this Monday as schools all over this nation unlocked their doors. Within the next couple of weeks all students will have left summer behind for desks and a pack of freshly sharpened pencils. Memories of camps, missions trips and life altering encounters with Christ are still freshly etched in the forefront of their mind. Unfortunately, it will only take a mild amount of life pressure, real or perceived for many to trade in all their enthusiasm for Jesus. The youth leader in all of us will be discouraged when those  who were “on fire for the Lord” seem to become apathetic.

How then do we help our youth to remember the Jesus of the “summer”  wants every part of their lives?

Feelings Come And Go

I think it’s fair to say we all agree it’s “easy” to know Christ when the only expectation is to focus on HIM.  Camp and mission trips schedule devotional times, and often service.  Whether it’s lack of sleep or time to stop, many of our youth had deep emotional reactions to their times in these places. The Lord changed them deeply and they could FEEL Him at work.  Teach your students the “high” they experienced may dull, or it may return with the next retreat, conference or mission they attend.  In contrast if we are always seeking a “feeling” of elation we just might miss the depth of who Jesus is, and how He is ALWAYS at work in us and around us.  The truth is not contingent on whether or not we are “moved.”

Christ Still Wants Our Time

Schedules begin to creep in.  It starts with the necessities of life and moves to sports, drama, and for some jobs.  They can think there isn’t another minute in their day for th

e Lord.  However, that deep conviction they had while away propelled them forward and closer to Him.  Help them come up with ways they can practically succeed at both getting closer to Christ and showing the world who He is in their life. Could they get up just 5 minutes earlier everyday and read their Bible?  What about writing a verse on a sticky note and placing it somewhere they look all day? How about praying as they ride to school?  Encourage them to simply tell THEIR story of God’s work in their lives with friends.

Service Is A Lifestyle

They might be looking for the next time you “set- up” a service opportunity.  While projects and trips are great opportunities these should only ever be catalysts to a lifestyle of helping. Help them find ways to give both Big and Small on a regular basis. What about sitting next to som

eone whose alone at lunch? What about noticing when someone needs an extra hand in the grocery store?  Yes, visit the sick in the hospitals, the aging in the nursing homes, the shut-ins connected with your church, and give food out at the food bank. Let them know service is not an event, then find ways to get them out of their comfort zone and give some more.

Jesus Is In the Lunch Hall

And the gym, English class, at home, on the bus…  Part of the reason entering the routine of school is so hard for so many is,  it hurts there.  They might be dealing with bullies, failing classes or just the regular peer pressure that comes with JH/HS, on top of anything difficult NOT in school. They pray for complicated situations to dissipate and instead things get worse.  I have heard more than once that the Lord has forgotten them because things “aren’t working out.”  Christ hasn’t left them.  Instead in those moments He

cries with us, and loves us as deeply as ever.  Keep reminding them HE NEVER LEAVES, while talking with them as they wrestle with all that is “unfair.”

As our youth enter routine, and their school days the most vital offering we can give is the reminder God and HIS LOVE is the only unwavering constant in our world. How would next summer be transformed if they were growing in the Lord all year long?

What are you doing to actively aid students in their daily relationship with the Lord as they go back to school?

 BY KURT JOHNSTON

At this same time last month, I wrote an article called Less Is More. And while a less-is-more mind-set is helpful in many ministry categories, there are loads of areas where having a more is more approach is the right strategy—where if a little bit of something is good, then more of that something is even better!  Here are a few more is more examples.

Opportunities For Healthy Relationships: Saying that youth ministry should be relational in nature is like saying Tim Tebow should be a starting QB in the NFL; nobody would argue… (Okay, bad example!) And because relational youth ministry is such a no-brainer, I think we oftentimes take it for granted that healthy relationships are automatically being developed within our ministries. Do whatever you can, as often as you can, to strategically build into your teenagers that they were created to be in community, that we need each other, and that life is about “us” not about “me.”

Affirmation:  I’ve never heard a teenager say, “Please quit being so encouraging; I just can’t take any more of this!” Why? Because most teenagers are dying in a pile of insecurity and doubt, and hoping they measure up to the real and perceived expectations put on them by friends, family, teachers, coaches, youth pastors, and other influencers in their young lives. I’ve never heard a volunteer in my ministry say, “Kurt, I simply can’t handle another kind note or thank you card. Please quit pulling me aside and patting me on the back.” Why? Because most of them can’t get through a 20-minute small group study without four students passing gas, one student breaking down in tears, and two students getting in a fist fight. Sure, a little affirmation and encouragement goes a long way with volunteers…but a lot is even better!

Prayer: Martin Luther is famous for saying, “I have so much to do today that I’m going to need to spend three hours in prayer in order to be able to get it all done.” Sadly, I’m more likely to say, “I have so much to do today that I’m going to need to get right to work!” I suppose there might be such a thing as too much prayer, but I highly doubt any of us are in danger of finding out.  The short and simple truth is that the more we can surround ourselves, our families, our students, our ministry, and our community in prayer, the better!

This list could actually go on for quite a while. In fact the more I think about, it the more I realize that more and more things could use a lot more of my time and efforts. But that would take a lot more of my time to write and a lot more of your time to read.

So concerning the length of articles talking about more is more: less is more!

Okay, so, we are making sure we are clearly defining terms we use in our ministries.  Using terms like “spiritual growth” without clearly defining them, in my opinion, can actually be damaging.  At best it’s ambiguous and confusing for those we lead.  If you missed my definition of “spiritual growth” click here.

In this post I will define “disciple.”  This is important to define clearly because:

1.  It is our identity as followers of Jesus – we are his disciples
2.  If we are to “disciple” someone else we must understand clearly what that means

Here is the definition I use in our church for “disciple:”

someone who learns about and from Jesus so they can obey his teachings and teach others to do the same

We often talk about a “disciple” is a learner, but that’s just not good enough.  The goal is NOT to learn information!!!!!  The goal is to obey all Jesus has taught us (Matthew 28:18-20).  So, our definition must include more than just learning.  Secondly, the disciples that walked alongside Jesus were commanded to teach others, so our definition must include this aspect as well.  The goal is NOT to keep what we learn and do to ourselves, but instead to spread it as much as we possibly can.

Lastly, if we are to disciple people, this definition narrows our focus.  Our focus is on the teachings of Jesus, which the rest of the scriptures supports, and our goal is for those we teach to obey what they learn and then cause others to do the same.  If obedience and teaching others to do the same does not follow our “discipleship,” we are not truly discipling anyone.

May you continue to be clear and concise with what you say as a leader.

What’s up, Simply Insiders?! We’ve got an awesome guest post today from Neely McQueen! How awesome was your summer?

 BY NEELY MCQUEEN

Summer is over. Wait, let that thought settle in. Summer has come to an end. Can you believe it?

Students are heading back to school. And somehow you and I…we survived. We made it through another year of camps and all the extra events we pull off in the summer. Even before camp is over we’re already gearing up for the fall and the next big things we’ll do. Always so rushed.

So today I want to encourage you, before we hurry off to the next big thing, to pause and take some moments to celebrate what God has done in your ministry, in the lives of your students, and in your own life.

We tend in ministry to always be pushing and planning for new and better things. Which is one of things that I love about ministry…this wild pursuit of what is next in God’s movement. Unfortunately, what that does mean is that we at times struggle to celebrate…because celebration means we have to slow down to remember. But what I’m learning is that celebrating is a big part of moving forward. And when we skip it, it becomes all the more easy to miss the bigger point of why we do what we do.

So we celebrate. We celebrate transformations…

In your ministries. Look back over the past 3 months; where has God been at work in your overall ministry? Have you had seasons of numerical growth or seasons of deep spiritual growth? Did you have an event or a camp that seemed to impact your students or your church in significant ways? These are the things that we need to celebrate. We need to gather our team and throw a party. These moments encourage and refresh leaders, something we can never do enough of.

In your students. Even as we celebrate our overall ministry milestones, we need to take time to celebrate growth in our students on a personal level. Have you seen a student take a big step forward in their faith? Or a student make a first-time commitment? In these moments we can help solidify the decisions through celebration. A word of affirmation in front of peers is powerful way to cheer a student on. A written note in the mail, a reminder a few days later of what God is doing in their lives. Don’t forget to include parents in the celebration. When we include parents we provide a win for families and for our ministries!

In yourself. As shepherds of others we can tend to forget to recognize the work that God is doing in our own lives. Every week we remind students to keep growing and to keep allowing God to transform their lives. Let us not forget to keep growing and to keep allowing God to transform our lives. Let us pause and remember the journey that we are on. Let us worship by reflecting and celebrating.

God is always so faithful, and as I look back over the summer I’m overwhelmed with a reason to celebrate! And truthfully, I’m always looking for a reason to throw a party!

Ahhh summer.  In ministry it’s filled with camps, trips and exhaustion.  In the world of my children it’s filled with more flexibility, days at the beach,  and of course camps. School starts for us in a week or so.  While I am looking forward to a “schedule” again, this time of year makes me feel more inadequate than every other time of the year combined.  As I read articles on how to “engage” us parents this Fall, I thought I would throw out some helpful hints from the Mom of three in JH and one in college.

Give Me Time

I am so thankful that you have calendars, planning and notices for me.  If you are offering “vision casting,” for the year even better.  While you are doing this, I am trying to get my feet under me as we return to the Fall and all that means.  Everyday involves pick up from soccer practice, football, and guitar lessons on top of school projects that are broken into “teams,” staying on top of homework being finished, the house not falling apart, dinner being made and eaten, and the “regular” stuff that never goes away. (I didn’t even mention we are in full time ministry too.)   I am getting voice and e-mails  along with texts from the school daily about another “need to know.”  I have had 400 papers shoved in front of me in the first 3 days of school.  I care, I am overwhelmed by re acclimating to a schedule that I don’t control.

Don’t Ask Me For Money

For three “at home:”

School Supplies: $400 (Why does every teacher require a “special” binder?”)  Uniforms/School Clothes:  $600  (This is with two pairs of pants and 3 shirts each.)   Shoes: AT LEAST $50 a pair if not more. (Once they hit “grown up” sizes all bets were off.) Sports Fees: $100 – $300 per sport (This does not include the “extra” money I am asked/required to bring for raffles, team snacks, new cleats and pictures.)  School Field Trips: $50- $60 per kid  (Thanks for starting the year off “right.”) The youth pastor not immediately asking for a deposit for the “Fall Retreat:”  Priceless. ( Please note “Only $150 per kid” is actually $450 for some of us BEFORE we ask which child wants to “sit this one out.”)   I have not even factored in the gas it takes to drive my children all over or regular “life expenses.”   It’s not that I “don’t care,”  I can’t give what I don’t have, at this point this includes time (see above.)  Notice I didn’t even touch the college student…

Before You Judge

I admit it, we can be “that parent.”   I am trying desperately to keep up with everything. It’s not fair, but the 15 different ways you communicate with me are helpful. AND I KNOW BETTER!!  If you have single parents, divorced parents, kids in Foster Care,  ask before you decide “the parent has just checked out”  My husband and I partner together in everything, plus I am always trying to push closer to Jesus.  AND  I feel like I am an abject failure most of the time.  We probably won’t offer it up, but if you genuinely ask, “What can I do to help?” we might not take you up the offer.  However, just offering makes it better.

In the end I am not asking for you to make a “special exception” for my child.  I am just reminding you that the unfortunate truth is youth group does not have the luxury of getting my single focus. We need you as a partner with us on this crazy journey with our kids.  My children need you as another Christ focused role model in their lives.

If you just give me until November I will have the Fall figured out, just in time to start looking at Basketball, Cheer and Christmas-  Oh and the Spring Retreat and next summer’s missions trip

Scott Rubin is back with another post:

This post will sound like I’m “advertising” something, which I sort of am, but I promise I’m not getting a dime for saying good stuff about this game.

If you’re like me, you’re always on the lookout for activities that just about every middle school student can participate – and that aren’t lame!   9 Square in the Air might be just what you’re looking for.   Not only that, the inventor is a middle school pastor!

If you haven’t heard of it, you really need to check out this web site: http://www.9squareintheair.com.  I’m fired up about this because our students have been playing it every week for the past 2 months, and the intrigue just continues to rise.   Seriously – it’s fantastic… and easy for almost every middle schooler to play, whether they’re super-athletic, or not-so-much!

We introduced this game to our students at our summer camp in June.   It’s become such a huge hit in our middle school ministry that I decided to call the guy who invented it — and found out that he’s been a youth pastor for 15 years, and the last 10 of those specifically working with Jr. Highers!

His name is Steve Otey, and his church is in a suburb of St. Louis.  A number of years back, he had a group of students in his ministry who loved to play volleyball … and another group of students who loved to play 4- (or  9-) square every week.   Every time he tried to get the volleyballers to play 4 square, or vice versa, he got resistance – so he hatched the idea of combining the 2 games.

Even though I think this invention makes Steve Otey a little like the Steve Jobs of youth ministry games, he says that his passion is really all about youth ministry – which is very clear as you talk with him.

He tells his students “if you can put 2 hands above your head… or even just let a ball bounce off your head… you can play”!   And for me, it’s been a blast to see a 4’6” middle school eliminate a 6’6” leader.    Every week for the last 2 month, students are lined up to play.   We even had a parents-open-house one week, and parents jumped in, too.

You already know that a good game can be a great “connector” for middle schoolers & leaders.   If it fits in your budget, you’ve gotta check this thing out.   (or use Steve’s “kit”, and make your own, like we did!)

This is so simple, yet so powerful:

“Don’t just delegate tasks to the next generation. If you delegate tasks, you create followers. Instead delegate authority to create leaders.” –Craig Groeschel 

What a great catch. It really smells of the Paul/Timothy relationship. To paraphrase Jon Acuff, this generation doesn’t want to change the world “someday” – they want to change the world now.

So… what do you think this actually looks like?

• How can this play out (or how has this played out) for your context?
• Is there any curriculum you’ve found that works well? The Live Leadership Curriculum, perhaps?

You probably got into ministry for all the right reasons.

I may not know you, but I do know myself. If we’re at all alike, there’s a good chance something else is true of you.

Some days you’re in ministry for all the wrong reasons.

Maybe it’s not as obvious as you’d think.

• You serve God.
• You rearrange your schedule for students.
• You bend over backward for parents.
• You lobby before your church leadership in all the right ways.
• You’re not trying to trick people out of their money.
• You don’t attempt to be the “sexier” youth group in town.

It’s as if every time people see what you’re doing, you’re caught living out the best template for ministry you can think of.

The problem is you can be doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons.

There’s a situation in my life right now with a disgruntled group of people who have found joy in being disgruntled together. They’re people I’ve loved and invested some of my best energy into, from teens I mentored and took on mission trips to adults I scrambled to serve. One of the louder households left our church and began complaining “sideways” – subtle enough to go unnoticed by most, but potent enough to create a funk that I’m still not sure what to do with. It’s as if no matter how hard I try to live out some of the most basic principles in Matthew 18 on reconciliation I’m met with misunderstanding, evasiveness and slander.

I’m doing all the right things.

At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

What I eventually realized is that some days it’s for all the wrong reasons.

There are moments that I want to be vindicated.

I want to work out the misunderstanding, because I hate having people say things about me that aren’t true- especially when I have put so much energy into doing the right things. If I dove into the reason why I do so, it is my human pride wanting to assert itself. I have to make clear that the door to reconciliation is open, but if they never walk through it or continue to group up on this then a part of me needs to turn this over to God.

Check out what the Bible reveals on this:

• God has a pattern of vindicating His people as a whole.(Deuteronomy 32:36)
• Humans have a desire to be vindicated individually by their behavior. (Job 13:18)
• People who watch us will notice our desire to be vindicated and may assume the worst. (Job 11:1-2)
• Jesus was vindicated by the Spirit – not other people. (1 Timothy 3:16)
• We will only experience real vindication when we spend time face to face with God. (Psalm 17:15)

If you don’t get this right, then all of the serving you do will come across as ministry perfume and not the genuine scent of Jesus Christ.

Wrestle with this. Consider what you’re doing to get people to think or say better things about you. Give someone else permission to point out when you build a case against a case someone has built against you.

Otherwise, it will leak out. To quote William Ury, “When you are angry, you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

Thank you for loving students!

Don’t hate on the hair. My family the 80′s

After watching the great video blog by Kurt and AC on the topic of special needs students HERE I was inspired to share some  more thoughts on this topic from a slightly different point of view.

My Mom suspected that the pregnancy wasn’t quite right.  She had chicken pox in her first trimester, but the doctors assured her everything would be fine.  Courtney arrived in 1975 as was one of 7 recorded cases internationally to be born with Congenital Varicella Syndrome. There was nothing about her that should have survived. . Here’s a quick run down of  how my sister entered the world several months early at less than 2 pounds:  She was blind, had one disfigured leg, no feeling in her left hand, urinary and digestive tract problems and was mentally delayed.  Yet, she was born a fighter and lived when the world said she should not survive.  To her doctors, teachers, caretakers and my parents she was a phenom. To me she was baby sister.

I want to contemplate for a moment if we had entered your youth group.  She would have been a Freshman when I was Senior.  What would you have done?

Here is what you would have seen from the outside looking in:

My Sister:

Here comes the sweet, vibrant kid in the wheel chair.  She was the outgoing one. She loved Anime and romantic comedies.   She was obsessed with country music.  However, upon meeting her you would not have immediately caught on that Courtney was developmentally delayed.  Maybe you would see a girl who was a little immature for her age. Then there were her medical challenges.  Her electric chair was huge and cumbersome.  She couldn’t see you, except out of the corner of her right eye.  Her left hand couldn’t grasp anything.  Someone,  a nurse, a parent or myself had to take her to the bathroom to deal with tubes and bags.

Me:

Then you would meet the highly overachieving perfectionist sister.  I loved my sister deeply,  but inside I struggled.  I grappled that I felt like I had to make up for what she could never be.  I wrestled with the injustice of both of our situations in life.  All Courtney wanted was to be a “regular” kid like me.  I always knew the attention my sister received was out necessity, yet it still hurt.  I felt left out.  I felt never good enough for anyone, because  I was  not born the anything “case” in the world.   You would not have ever guessed any of it.   At 17 I was entirely wonderful at keeping all adults at arms length.  If I was smart enough,  performed well enough,  and articulate enough,  then you would leave me alone.   I was very, very good at maintaining my polish.

My Parents:

Enter the parents. I read a statistic recently that 80-90% of parents with a disabled child end up divorced. By some insane miracle my parents have reached beyond 40 years of marriage. However, the pressure of living like today might just be the day that your child dies wears on you. My sister had numerous near death hospitalizations. Her leg was amputated at 2. Her eye was removed in her teen years and replaced with a glass one. All my parents did was give up themselves until they became a shadow of who they were.  They were physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted all the time.  However,  what you saw were these people who desperately wanted their daughter to belong. Could you give her a chance?  Could you let her be a part of your youth group?  I mean they were fighting for her in every other area of life.  Church should be a place where they could rest and well you, youth worker,  you just HAVE to love her.

You as the youth worker have no idea how to handle this. Larger churches have the luxury of separate ministries for “special needs” students.  Smaller churches rarely have this luxury.

Who gets your attention?  Who gets your compassion?  Whose needs get met?

Stay “Tuned” on Monday for some practical thoughts on approach.